Empathy and Dog Ownership
“Empathy - The ability to be aware of and sharing another person’s feelings, experiences and emotions.”
I have always been very empathetic to others journeys, what is going on in life or even a room and now as a part of the journey with Gordo it has opened up another level, and I love connecting with other dog owners who are on their journey with their perfectly imperfect dogs.
I saw a post on Instagram today and it got me thinking, the expectation from society is that our dogs will be perfect and in turn that means we should be perfect and know all, whether we have our first dog or tenth.
Reflecting back over the last three years I’ve had amazing people around me to help work through issues and tears, to understand how to work with Gordo and his quirks. Being able to talk to others who understand the journey and truely want to work with me to help both my and Gordo’s growth has been hugely beneficial and through this I’ve also come to realise that not everyone will want to, or be able to, and as hard as that is to take when you thought they would, it’s also ok, as this is the journey of life.
I’ve shed many tears; I’ve apologised more times than I probably needed to; I’ve advocated for him and followed my gut when I knew something was wrong; I’ve ignored those who said ‘he just needs more training’ not medical help; I’ve said ‘thank you for your opinion’ and consulted a trusted friend or trainer for their insight; I’ve found a community of trusted friends who have my and Gordo’s best interests at heart and want to help us work through scenarios.
Through this journey I’ve connected with others who are going through similar situations and I’ve always responded with empathy and understanding, as I’ve been there and I’ve been met with the opposite; and I can tell you it’s not a nice feeling when you’re made to feel like a terrible dog owner, at a time that you’re already feeling vulnerable and struggling.
I remember not being able to stop crying on a drive from Alexandra to Cromwell and being told ‘it’s just his hormones dropping’ only to find out he was having a reaction to the stitches dissolving and his pre desexing surgery handling had caused him trauma (that I’m still dealing with).
I remember being unconsolable after he saw a puppy and lunged growling at it at the end of his lead and the owner commenting ‘That’s enough, we don’t need that shit around here!’ and then blocking me when I apologised, saying he was saying those words to his pup not me, but when you’re in a heightened and emotional state, that definitely doesn’t come across. Let’s just say I’m still blocked (I find this quite funny…) and his pup didn’t growl so I know it was aimed at me.
I have fears that I don’t want realised that something could happen, and I know dogs will be dogs, there will be moments and I also know that if a dog is going to attack it will attack. Having had far too many dogs rush and attack Gordo in his early life I now know a lot of his triggers and work around them as best as I can, or find friends who will support and work with me to help with building his confidence around these triggers.
My lessons learnt really resonated with all in Walking Dog Training’s post today and it has prompted me to consider my imperfect journey as a first time dog owner, as I have definitely cared what other more experienced dog owners think, I’ve felt like an absolute failure, I have shrunk myself to ensure others are comfortable, I’ve had to learn how to advocate for Gordo and myself and I definitely know he was sent to teach me how to become the best version of myself and grow through this and to then take my learnings to be there for others.
So yes, after his desexing I had him on medication under the guidance of Cath at VetBT and I’ve told many to talk with her since, if I hadn’t… I don’t know what kind of dog he would be now and I don’t want to know.
All I ask is that we meet each other with compassion, empathy and understanding, if you’ve been lucky enough to have a dog/s that haven’t struggled with anything then meet with compassion and empathy, as that’s what friends do. No judgement, as it’s likely we are already piling that on ourselves and we don’t need it from those we’ve trusted to be with or talk with.
So to my trainers, friends and dogs that have helped us on our journey, thank you for your empathy, compassion and understanding. It has meant so much more to me than I know I’ll ever be able to repay.
If anyone ever needs to talk, please reach out as my DM’s are always open and I’d love to support you. ❤️
